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David_Kim_Fight.pdf
데이빗 김 선교사님의 선한 믿음의 싸움
"다음 글은 애리조나의 데이빗 김 선교사님께서 암과 싸워 오신 믿음의 이야기입니다. 하나님께서 베푸신 은혜를 나누고 싶다고 하셔서 여기에 올립니다. 홈피 화면에는 전체 내용의 앞 부분만 나오며, 전문은 첨부파일에 모두 있습니다. 선교사님의 건강과 애리조나 역사를 위해 계속 기도해 주시면 감사하겠습니다." David Kim's Journey of fighting against cancer PREFACE As I shared my journal of fighting against cancer to Dr. Mark Yang, he encouraged me to publish the book for family, friends, and all coworkers in the world to render the glory of God. Of course, my story is just one of numerous people who had been suffered from cancer or other kind of incurable disease. In fact, my trial is much lighter than many others. But as I also went through the power of darkness, the suffering was definitely unbearable with my own strength and power. I could do nothing but knelt down before the power of death and experienced its taste. When death knocked the door of my house, I remembered Job 3:25, "what I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me". My father died with liver cancer at age of 59. I got a same cancer on April 2014 and I was exactly 59 years old. I hated cancer who took my dad's life relatively in young age and I had kind of fear if I could live longer than my father. When I got a diagnosis of cancer, I was surprised how fit Job's word into my life. This book is a collection of my diaries, and update letters to family, friends and coworkers in the world. I'm sure it's nothing but one of countless book of encouragement. I know how fragile I am and I am nobody. I am nothing but sinner. So I remember Psalm 16:2, "I say to the Lord, you are my Lord; apart from you, I have no good things". If anything good in here, it is the work of God and his goodness throughout my journey of fighting against cancer. My only prayer is, God to be honored & glorified through this book. Lastly I would like to give thanks from the bottom of my heart to numerous people throughout the world. First of all, I would like to give thanks to Dr. Abraham Kim and all coworkers in the world for their prayer and even financial support. Special thanks to Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang in Chicago who visited us in person and encouraged & helped me to keep living by faith through the phone and they have been strong backups for my wife and me who are very weak in faith. I also want to thank Sh. Moses Kim, Dr. Luke Lee and Anam UBF coworkers who had been earnestly prayed and helped me to stand up throughout my journey. Of course, thank Dr. Oh Kyu Noh in Anam, Dr. Joseph Ahn in Chicago, Dr. Jae Kyun Jung in Daegu who had been available as an oncologist, hepatologest, Gastroenterologist whenever I need a medical advice. I wish to thank Sh. Daniel Cheng and Tempe coworkers' unceasing prayer support. Thank you my brothers and sister in Korea, my son & daughter's family for the unconditional love & support. Definitely I thank to my wife Ruth who had been through the vicious storm of life together. She is an angel and a best gift of God in my life. During the time of affliction, she has been suffered with me, cried with me, and laughed with me. It's been a great joy to serve the campus mission with her ever since we've been married in 1979. Ruth and I love you all and God bless you, your family and your ministry!! Indebted yours, David Daeil Kim from Tempe UBF. April 3, 2014. Thursday. At 8am Ruth & I were somewhat anxiously sitting in the waiting room of oncology Dr. Lau's office to get the result of liver biopsy. Since January I went through many labs & imaging tests including Ultra sound, MRI & CT guided biopsy due to low WBC & platelet count which usually indicates cancer in the body. Finally we were called in the room & as we kind of expected, Dr. Lau told us that it's a cancer in the liver & one tumor size is 4.1cm & the other is 2cm. She referred Banner University medical center liver transplant team including surgeon. Initially Ruth was sobbing & I was silent for a while. Then I put my arms around her shoulders & said, "It will be all right. Don't worry.” On hearing this traumatic news, Sh. Daniel & M. Deborah hurriedly came to my house and asked us how we are doing and what a traumatic things like this happens to us and David Jr. & Hannah’s family were in shock as well as all coworkers in Tempe UBF. My initial response was nothing but smile because I didn't know what to say otherwise. At night in bed, many things crossed my mind and Ruth & I cried & asked God, why me? It was a tremendous blow and heartbreak. I was so devastated and confused that I felt having a knife stuck in my heart & my head as black sack that I cannot think in normal ways. The unknown fear attacked that what is going to happen to me in the future. Most of all guilty feelings overwhelmed and I am deserved to be punished by God as the aftermath of past sins. Ruth & I comforted each other and wept under blanket. Then, I prayed seriously, "God, forgive my sins please!!" April 4, 2014 Friday. Ruth & I went to bed early but woke up middle of the night a few hours later. My eyes are still full of tears & my heart is filled with fear of the future. Before I go to bed, I asked God to forgive my sins. But, question? Is God really punishing me with this horrible cancer because of my past sins? When I look at the night sky, it is beautiful with shining stars. This spring season is most wonderful time of the year in the desert of Arizona. And such was my life!! Everything went well like good job as an RN which is no retirement age & guarantees of sound financial support in the future, happy family including 6 grandchildren, My wife Ruth & I are falling in love more as time passing by & small but harmonious 5 family campus mission UBF ministry. But now I am descended in cold, mean & cruel storm. My life is on the line of edge with unpredictable dangerous storm of liver cancer. Is this for the outcome of my SINS?? Is it true?? Did I make God angry to punish me to death? I wrestled with the concept of God's judgement upon sinners. It's long struggling night I ever had before. At 4 am I called day off & told my manager about new diagnosis & she must be in shock, too & said, "get time off as much as you want. I will support you whatever I can do for you." Then I start writing e-mail to Sh. Moses Kim and called Dr. Mark Yang, Pastor Caleb Jung, Dr. Paul Kim, my brothers and sister in Korea for requesting emergency prayer support. While I am writing a letter, suddenly I thought about the cross of Jesus & his word, "It is finished" (John 19:30). Yes, it is finished on the cross for redeemed people, the children of God. All the anger of God, all the wrath of God & all the punishment of God for sin including mine was poured out upon Jesus on the cross. There's nothing left to punish. There's nothing left to be angry about. It is finished. It is paid in full for my horrible sins through the blood of Jesus on the cross. I got a clear answer about God's concept of judgement for sins. I was greatly relieved that God is not angry with me. God is not punishing me for my past sins. My trial is not a punishment. Praise God & Praise Jesus and his fathomless love toward sinners. Why then me? Why does God allow this kind of harsh storm in my life? I still don't understand....I really don’t. Today is David Jr.’s Birthday, but Ruth & I even did not call him. I am sure he understands and he knows we didn’t forget. On April 4, 2014 Friday. Urgent Prayer request to all coworkers in the world Dear All. Greetings in Jesus Grace. I got a diagnosis of liver cancer yesterday. Please pray for me & my wife, Ruth who is almost in panic state due to sudden, harsh blow of this traumatic news. At first I thought God is punishing me because I have sinned a lot in the past and I am still a great sinner. But I remembered John 19:30, Jesus says, “It is finished.” God paid all the wages of sin including mine through Jesus on the cross. Now I know it’s not a judgment of sins but a will of God upon my life. There must be a meaning behind this trial. May God have mercy on me and help me to understand God's will and overcome the sudden storm of life by faith. We humbly ask your prayer support regarding this serious matter in our family & Tempe UBF. Thank you & God bless!! April 5. 2014 Saturday. To all who called or wrote me a letter of encouragement. Thank you All. I will let you know when I set the date of operation after I find surgeon. However, I am in peace by God’s grace and thank God who helped to find cancer earlier before too late. We are not lonely because our long time faithful family friend Sh. Daniel & M. Deborah Cheng, Dr. Noh family who is tumor specialist, Sh. Kirk & Sarah and David Jr. & Hannah’s family who are ready to do anything including donate part of liver for me if necessary are with us. Sh. Sarah Kaiser is in Korea for her treatment of abdominal mass and Sh. Kirk is alone in Tempe now. Most of all we thank you & all UBF family who sincerely pray for us. Last Sunday I delievered a Sunday message that “we should not to avoid but go through it by faith when the storms of life comes to us.” We know you are very busy. Please do not reply to this letter. We will keep inform you and update our prayer topics. May you keep in good health by God’s grace!! April 11, 2014 Friday. I was tearing uncontrolable and became very emotional when last night Dr. Koep who is one of liver transplant surgeon called me. He said that I do not have to see him due to my tumor sizes are too big to do surgery and to put on transplant list. He recommended me to find interventional radiologist and get chemo embolization treatment and it will extend my life a little more. According to his assumption, my life will be two to four more years with the radiation and chemo medical treatment. Since April 4th, I saw six specialists and their opinion was all same. Is this my life & my life end up like this? Am I heading to death? Yes I am. I felt total helpless and seriously thought about death. Many people recommend various treatment such as going to prayer house, pure vegetable diet, living in the mountain and getting fresh air under pine trees, oriental acupuncture treatment, and having surgery by getting living donor from my children at Korean hospital. I thought about acupuncture therapy or surgery in Korea by getting a living donor from David Jr., Hannah or my younger brother if there is no way in America. Ruth & I made a reservation for airplane ticket for Korea a few days ago supported by Sh. Daniel & Deborah who are willing to pay for the ticket. Dr. Juneun Park in Anam UBF helped me to make an appointment with GI specialist at Asan Hospital which is the best medical center as a liver transplant surgery in Korea. But when I was praying over night, I decided to stay in Arizona and not to seek any treatment out of here. I used to teach that your current circumstances is best gift of God. So my given situation is best and I should not seek anything out of Arizona to save my physical life. Arizona is my mission land and I will not leave here but see how God is handling my life. Most of all I do not want to risk My younger brother, David Jr. or Hannah's life in order to save mine. Then I clearly refused their offer and decided not to get any chemo or radiation treatment for quality of the rest of my life. All right!! I will be dying and I want to die with dignity, not ugly. So I cancelled plane tickets to Korea and I even cancelled all Dr.’s appointment including Dr. Wong who is a GI specialist and one of Banner University Medical center liver transplant team. I thought it’s unnecessary to see any doctor and it’s waste of time for both Dr. and mine. I am not going to hang in any treatment to extend my life but will face the death with no regret. It was my firm determanation. Ruth was crying endlessly and it was so painful to see her agony. This is not a dream, but real and it’s a cold & messy reality that is out of my reach and beyond my control. I became emotionally drained and exhausted. But I know I am on God’s hand and I believe God is good. April 13, 2014 Sunday. It was long weekend and Ruth kept crying when we had a worship service. I also could not hold tears from both eyes whenever I see Ruth who will be alone without me in the near future. What a life & life is really short. But I announced to Tempe coworkers about my decision and asked prayer support. I quoted Senator John McCain who was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. He couldn't bear the torture by his enemies. So he made an anti-American propaganda. Later he wrote, "Everyone has breaking point. I had reached mine. We are all fragile and weak". I thought I'm very strong and I'm an iron man. I used to boast and bragged about my health saying that I never get even flu through my life & I don't even know my primary Dr.s name. In the early life of America, I worked 8 hours at fast food restaurant and 4 hours as a janitor by cleaning the building totaling 12 hours of hard labor. Still I studied English 4 hours a day by sleeping only 3-4 hours. When I started nursing college as a full time student, I still worked full time as a custodian at ASU to support family and ministry while I do many one to one bible study and prepare Sunday message every week. But now I reached mine and feel nothing but a bruised reed. To be honest, I asked to my family & coworkers first time to help me and pray for me from the bottom of my heart. And I prayed to God, "Lord, have mercy on me!" April 14, 2015 Monday Last night Ruth was calling me in a hurry, M. David!! It’s a Doctor. Dr. is calling you!! Her voice was urgent. What? I looked at the clock and it was 7pm. What a doctor calls on Sunday evening? For what? I grabbed the phone and said, Hello? It was a Dr. Wong who said, “David, why did you cancel appointment with me? One of my patient cancelled his appointment tomorrow morning and I would like to see you in am.” I try to explain him what other Dr.s saying, but he insisted to see me. Ruth & I went to his office this morning and he spent almost two hours with us and asked me to start treatment as soon as possible. He said, we can reduce your tumor aggressively through chemo & radiation and put on transplant list at least by August and get a liver transplant by the end of next year or earlier of 2016. Usually, Dr.s spent 15-20minutes, maximum 30 with a patient, but he spent nearly two hours to consult, to give an advice, and to convience me that we can do it and we will do it together to get new life through modern medical technology. While we are sitting there, he made all appointment for labs, imaging such as CT, MRI etc and Interventional Radiologist doctor for the chemo & radiation treatment. What a good medical doctor! This is a doctor that God has given me and God is already intervening in my storm of life. I felt the presence of God and his care upon my life through Dr. Wong. This is a very beginning of trial and it’s far from over, but it’s huge to discover God who is going to be with me in this lonely journey together. April 17, 2014. Thursday Finally I underwent mapping procedure by Dr. Hirsch & came back home after a few hours of recovery. Mapping procedure is to draw map around tumors through angiogram in the radiology department so that I can get radiation & chemo treatment starting next month. Since I was diagnosed liver cancer, many friends & family have been with us & recommended us various treatment options including visiting Korea to see Dr.s there because of their experience & professionalism in liver disease. My son & daughter willingly offered their liver donation & do transplant surgery as soon as possible. Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang in Chicago, Sh. Caleb Chung & Sh. Insook, Dr. Paul Kim in Daegu and Sh. Moses Kim & Dr. Luke Lee in Seoul Korea are earnestly praying for me. Dr. Joseph Ahn who is specialist in hepatology helped me and he discussed with Dr. Wong about my treatment. Dr. Noh is specialist in oncology like my personal Dr. who is available anytime when I need him. Sh. Daniel & Deborah offered for airplane tickets to Korea. Sh. Kirk & Sarah is treating us like their own parents. What a good friends and family around me. Ruth & I thought about going to Korea and get an advice from Korean Dr. We prayed every day and even reserved tickets to Korea, but decided to follow within the given situation by God which means to get treatment under current health insurance and find Dr.s & hospital in this Phoenix area. I also told David Jr. & Hannah not to even think about liver donation for me. From the beginning, it was not my option because I never wanted to risk their lives for my benefit. Finally we got Dr. Wong, hepatology specialist, Dr. Hirsch, interventional radiologist, & Dr. Brink, transplant Sergeon. At this point, new CT shows 2 tumors, one is 4.1cm & the other is 2cm totaling 6.1cm. So I am not a candidate for surgery or transplant due to big tumor size & Dr. Wong wants me to get radiation & chemo embolization to reduce tumor & apply to put me on transplant list. Now I am embarking on my journey of fighting against this deadly disease of liver cancer starting with this mapping procedure. Now I am going to have ongoing poisonous treatment ahead of me until liver transplant done. Transplant, however, is not the end of journey. Rest of my life will be immunological compromised & exposed to various infectionious risk. Honestly I am scared & trembled from this big trouble like an unexpected desert dust storm. I am wrestling with things beyond my control such as no guarantees of outcomes after difficult treatment, no certainty of healing, no promise of remission and financial problem etc. I feel useless to my family & ministry. Rather I feel being burden to them. Especially I feel very sorry for my wife, Ruth, who has been suffered through our marriage life & even more suffering is ahead of her life due to my illness. When I am in emotional depression, Ruth, however, is in firm faith in God & ready to do a great deal of support to take care of me. And she encouraged me saying, Never,never, never give up and let's pray like a widow in the Bible & we know God doesn't give up on us!!! Thank you, Ruth & thank God! April 18, 2014 Friday. It is1st post procedure day morning & all family gathered together including Mr. Chapman couple from Lancaster California. I was supposed to be on bed rest & no heavy lifting for 48 hours. But I was in the family room & I told everyone not to worry about me & I even fondled youngest grandson, Lucas & lifted him up on my belly. Suddenly I felt dull pain on my right groin area where angiogram done for MAA procedure yesterday. I walked into the bathroom & found groin artery ruptured with bulging swollen on right groin. I remembered Dr. Hursch’s warning if my groin arteries ruptures, I need to go to ER in 7 minutes. Hannah called 911 & did emergency treatment & David Jr. cleared the front house so that 911 team can get access to our living room. Ruth was crying & praying to God to save my life. Of course, I never had this kind of experience in my life. On the way to hospital ER, I closed my eyes & whispered to my Lord, Jesus, "Please take my life now to your kingdom. I don't want to be a burden to my family like this. Please, please!! Listen to me, Jesus!! I am really serious!!! In the ER room, nurses were calling to vascular surgeon ready & kept my right groin area pressured & asking various questions. Meanwhile ultrasound ordered STAT. After ultrasound, Dr. gave me a good news that I do not need surgery because ultrasound shows no pseudo aneurysm or hematoma. So you can go home. Everyone was relieved, especially Ruth who was very anxious about if something went wrong. Tears broke out from my eyes not because of my suffering but because of poor Ruth. I felt painful whenever I think of Ruth who had been living a hard life ever since we've been married in 1979. Only good thing I did for her was taking her to Europe travel for a month last year after 34 years of marriage. I planned to take a trip every year to all over the world but it doesn't seem to come true at all. Why does God suddenly step in our life & even give us this kind of big trouble that I can't handle? This is not a dream but a surreal. When I read Bible, Isaiah 43:2 says, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." In this time of trial, only thing I can do is to trust God who is mighty. There's a chance that this could take my life. I wish not, but it can. If it does, that's probably a long time from now and I don't need to worry about it yet. I can prepare for it, but I don't need to think a lot about it. At this time, I need to trust God who is going to be with me and protect me. No matter what happens, God will be with me & my family. Practically I decided to resign the position of Tempe UBF chapter director to focus on treatment and started to write a letter to Dr. Abraham Kim, the general director of UBF. April 18, 2014 Friday Resignation letter to Dr. Abraham Kim to focus on the treatment after back from ED. Dear Dr. Abraham Kim. I thank God for using UBF church as a source of blessing for world campus mission. Personally I have been greatly honored and privileged to participate in campus ministry as a Tempe UBF chapter director over last 25 years since 1989 though I am not qualified to be a spiritual leader, not mention to be a chapter director. God, however, has been merciful to my life and kept me to lead Tempe UBF with his unconditional grace & love. Everyyear I repented my weaknesses & sins and tried again to be a good shepherd, but I have never been and I am now in great remorse that I was not a good shepherd. Unfortunately uninvited intruder came into my life of health, noticing last January and finally Dr. diagnosed as a liver cancer patient. I never choose it and honestly this unexpected event is painful, uncomfortable, and scary. But I believe God will help me to discover God’s heart, God’s joy and God’s truth in the fog of an uncertain reality. Realistically, my tumor is too big to do surgery, and even to be a transplant candidate. It seems there is not much hope at all. My Dr. is trying to reduce my tumor through chemo, radiation treatment and eventually to do transplant liver from unknown donor. I just started chemo, radiation treatment and medication therapy. Medically besides my Drs in hospital, Dr. Okyu Noh(U of A exchange oncology professor from Anam UBF) & Dr. Joseph Ahn (OHSU professor from Chicago UBF)are guiding me for the treatment. DR. Noh& Dr. Ahn said, it’s tough, but beatable. So far the treatment itself is bearable and doable in the strength of God. M. Ruth & I have been praying and thought much times that it’s time for me to resign my position and focus on treatment of cancer. This letter is to officially inform you that I resign my position as a Tempe UBF chapter director effective as soon as possible, hoping from May 2014, in your convenient time of decision. Finally I would like to recommend shepherd Daniel Cheng as a successor of a Tempe UBF chapter director with strong conviction of faith. Sh. Daniel has been serving Tempe ministry since 1989 and greatly faithful to Tempe UBF. He’s been married to a missionary Deborah Cheng who also dedicated her life of faith very sacrificially for the ministry since 1995 by marring to Sh. Daniel by faith. I am very positive in faith that Sh. Daniel will lead our ministry with love & humbleness of Jesus Christ. I always boasted about him that he is the most faithful man of faith I ever seen. Please pray for the Tempe ministry and this difficult time of transition. May God bless you and UBF. In Christ David Kim from Tempe UBF. April 20, 2014 Sunday. It's 2nd day post procedure and I tried to stay in bed as much as possible except attending worship service remembering ER experience before yesterday. In the afternoon around 4pm, telephone rang and it was Dr. Abraham Kim, general Director of UBF. He was surprised about the news and he will let everyone know to pray for me throughout the world. He also said, UBF will do financial support for some time period. Then he read Psalm 23 and prayed for me on the phone. When he reads Psalm 23 and pray, I realized tears were dropping on the floor and I said, Amen!! and said, Ruth & I truly appreciate your spiritual support but cordially declined financial support because we can manage it though I will miss lots of working hours as an hourly paying employee. After I hung up the phone, I read Psalm 23 again & again and I remembered that I delivered message Psalm 23 on October 2013. King David described death as shadow saying, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" Yes! Shadow is shadow, not real. Just like a shadow of dog can frighten us but never can bite, a shadow of death can frighten us but never can harm us. When there is a shadow, there must be a light somewhere, too. Life is hard, but God is good. It's confusing me at this time to be honest. I, however, know one thing that I'm going to pass through the valley of the shadow of death and I'm not going to stay here. All I can do is to stay close to my shepherd, my Lord, Jesus. My struggle is not about survival or dying, it's about knowing Jesus, my Lord & my God. God, please help me to know you and glorify you through this trial of my life. April 27, 2014 Sunday. My request to FB friends for prayer support. Today message was a "Jesus calms the storm" Mark 4:35-41. We all experience the storm in our lives. Sometimes the things just does not make sense at all & it seems so big & our faith seems so small. In this case we feel so swamped & so afraid that we are going to be taken over by the storm. In fact the big storm struck my wife Ruth & me who had been so happy in our middle adult life as you have seen us around. I got diagnosed as a liver cancer patient. I didn't try to hide it but I was not proud of this cruel intruder in our life either. I just want to share my prayer topic & ask your quiet prayer support. On Sunday message, Sh. Kirk said, remember the promise of God and hold on to it because Jesus has a power to calm the storm. Stay in God's promise and never give up. "A secret of victory is a total trust in God" by Michael Y. May 2, 2014 Friday. It's Friday evening 8pm and Tempe UBF coworkers gathered together for Bible study. It's 1st day bible study for me as one of member, not as a leader since Sh. Daniel is a new leader of our meeting. After bible study, Sh. Daniel did announcement and shared prayer topics. I felt a heavy burdens of responsibility taken out of my shoulder. At the same time I experienced something is missing and my life is suddenly removed from the ministry feeling big emptiness in my heart. This is not my plan even a month ago. I planned to retire at age of 65 and succeed Sh. Daniel or David Jr. as a Tempe UBF director. I didn't even daydreamed about liver cancer I'm facing now. I know that a trouble free life is not realistic. I already experienced through my grandsons, Andrew's born with physical defect and Jonathan's development delay. It is a painful and ongoing suffering in my life. On top of them, I, myself, got a big trouble which is a matter of death & life. Am I dreaming? No! It's real and solid reality. I am 59 years old and heading toward 60. Frankly I have lived all my life as I planned and small or big decision made by me not by God’s will thus far though I pretended to follow God’s direction as a shepherd and a missionary. But now God stepped in and took me away from my plan. It's very painful and scary. In this case I have a two choices, further from God in doubt and despair or closer to God and forward in spiritual growth in His grace. I remember John 21:18, “Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." I don't know this is a same case St. John & me. But I know it is same experience of pain when my own plan stopped by someone who is much mightier than me. I don't know where I am going or heading in my life direction. However I am sure God will teach me much and reveal his truth even more and lead me to deeper and deeper meaning of different living in him. Please have mercy on me and find your blessing through this time of your plan in my life. Help me to closer to you, my Lord. May 7, 2014 Wednesday. At Banner University Medical Center, I am in pre operation room for radiation embolization. I took picture of Ruth who looks very worrisome. When my pastor arranged our marriage, he said, "Ruth is most pretty out of her 3 sisters & you are lucky". It was a year of 1979. At that time I didn't think she is very pretty like actress or celebrity. But now I can bet she is a most beautiful woman inside & ,of course, outside, too!!! In the Bible Sarah is the most beautiful woman because she called Abraham "Master" in her inner thought. Ruth has been calling me a "Master" since we married in 1979. May 8, 2014 to my late Mom & Dad. Dear my mom on Mother’s day I was hospitalized first time ever in my life on May 7th due to severe pain on epigastric area after radiation embolization though it supposed to be an outpatient treatment. Because Ruth could not stay in the hospital due to radiation exposure precaution regarding treatment done for my liver cancer, I was left alone in the hospital bed. Suddenly I was in fear of uncertain future but soon fell in sleep due to sedation. When I woke up from post general anesthesia in the middle of the night it was on May 8th which is a Mother’s day in Korea. Then I thought about my mother and my serious health condition. I could not stop crying in the middle of the night and I want to confess to my mother that how much I am thinking of her and love her dearly. My mother was an ordinary Korean woman like many other women born in the early 20th century. She devoted herself to her somewhat difficult husband and raised 5 children, four boys and one girl. I was the third son. My father was highly educated in Japan and my mother was an elementary school dropout. My father was a hardheaded and a very authoritative that he was known among our relatives and families as a father, almighty. I know my mother must have needed enormous patience to stick with him until the end of his life. (But my mom cried day and night when my dad passed away and every year in his memorial service.) I never had seen her take a break or a nap once though she was dozing occasionally. She married when my dad just graduated elementary school and he left Japan in 1930's to study as a government scholarship student. She served her in-law parents until my dad return after college graduation. I assume that she was too busy to even stop and think about what she lived for. But she excelled as a homemaker and that’s what she had been taught from her parents. When I was young, I remember she has done the huge amount of house work and keep us fed and neatly dressed. She always kept the house clean, dusting throughout, sweeping and laundering clothes. Though she had two maids in our household, she was not sitting around and only asking them what to do. Lot of things She did by herself. She was so efficient that it was almost artistic. There was no movement wasted, and nothing was put in certain place without meaning and purpose. She was not exceptional anyway, but I consider my mother to have been a great home maker. Life was hard for women in those days. Men dominated society, allowing women few opportunities and choices. However, my mother drew on her inner strength and endlessly gave herself for the sake of her family. She was not at all formally educated but her words and actions are permanently engraved on my heart. At times they seem to shine like a rising sun and a radiant light from the star. I can still feel her word of principle and her action followed by her teaching. It encourages me to do the right thing and helps me determine what is right or wrong. The words that I remember most are not extraordinary. Such as “humans are all equal”, “Don’t do anything that causes others trouble” and “Once you decide to do something, take responsibility for it and carry it out yourself”. These words were her life itself. When she married to my dad, my grandparents had many male and maid servants in my house. Even I remember, we had two male and two female helpers in our house and they lived together. My mother treated them equally at least for food though they had to do house work and we were sent to school. Mom told us to respect them by calling 형님, 누나 which means respect calling for older brother or sister. She treated them as her own children and so called servants at that time with same human dignity. Even as an adult, she always sided with her in-law daughters, not with sons. So in-law daughters in our family do not have to report about badness of their husband to their own parents, but to my mom. Then my brothers and I were in fear of her punishment. Once Hannah said, missionary Anna Yang loves her most while she was in Anam center. I think every 2nd generation in the Anam center must be impressed by M. Anna Yang’s love in the same way just like each of us feel same that God loves us most. All daughters in law in our household still feel same including my wife Ruth. Ruth still talks about her mother in law that she gave us things more than the other brothers when we are departing from family reunion on Korean holidays. She was in fact a highly skilled judge and arbitrator. She showed fairness and impartiality. Most of all, she was so happy to see when I became a sincere Christian from a prodigal son. Ever since she said, I love Jesus. When I ask her to go to church and I like to live with her in the Kingdom of heaven forever, she said, I will. I should be in the place where you are. My mother was a very ordinary woman who seemed content to live a quiet life in her small corner of the world. God, however, gave me a great woman as my mother and I learned many important things about life. As I said she didn’t have a high level of education. But she tried to learn from everything and has the confidence to fully use the wisdom she gains in her daily life. Her life itself was a great example to her children. My mother used to say to her children, I did everything right and no remorse in my life. It was not self-righteous or arrogant pride. It was her strong confidence in her life. She died when she was dozing by leaning on the floor alone and never woke up. As I said to my father, I want her to know, I miss her, love her and respect her. I am happy to pay tribute to this on this Mother’s day. On May 11, your 3rd son David Daeil Kim I am attaching my letter to my late Dad who died with liver cancer at age of 59 written in 2012 on Father's Day. Dear Dad. Today is a Father’s day and I got a "Thank you" card from my children & grandchildren. It says, “Thank you for being the father/grandfather you are to us.” Whenever I think of my parents, I have many loving memories with mother, but vague memories with father of expression of loving as a father & a child. He died about 28yrs ago when he was 59yrs old with liver cancer. It was a shock to our family and especially to me who once was a prodigal son to him. He was too young to die and I am going to be his age in a few years. My father story starts on a farm a few miles outside of Andong city in Korea. He was only son from my grandparents and a smart boy when he grew up. He went to Japan to study in collage by the government scholarship and highly educated in his times. When he was in college in Japan, he even could count students from Korea that it numbered only several hundreds. Of course it was another generation and he followed different set of value than now. He always wore a formal dress with a tie. He treated people with respect and good manners. He taught us to respect elders and authority. He was very proud of family ancestry and taught us who & what kind of people they were. He didn’t think children should talk back or disobey to their parents. We never had debate over anything in the house and his word is a decision and direction in the family. If we talk back or disobey, then serous punishment would be followed. He was not a sweet dad, but a father Almighty. Fathers today often try to be buddies to their children. They want to come down to their children level and be best friend with them. This is today, not the time of my dad, not even when I become a dad. He thought, parents are parents, kids are kids. I remember, all my friends called him, Yes, Sir!! MR. Kim. Dad was not my best friend, he was my father Almighty. But I realized later, he loved his children dearly. I misunderstood him and had a difficult relationship during my teenage years. He did not understand me very well and I didn’t appreciate him as I should have. When he had a liver cancer and became very sick, he did not want me to know his terminal status of his condition, thinking that I will worry about him and I don’t do my job well (I was on a big project at the company I work at that time). He didn’t’ want to hinder my career or success. When my older brother told me about his wish, I was overwhelmed by his love toward me. Wow, this is FATHER’S LOVE. Regret what I have done to my father and had hurt him in my teenage years, I asked his forgiveness from my deep heart. I wanted him to know I was truly sorry for everything. He looked at me for a moment, and then he said, “That’s all right, Daeil (my Korean name). That was it. If he said anything else, I don’t recall it, but I don’t think he did. Men of his generation seldom talked about their feelings. He didn’t say everything also, but he didn’t have to. When my father said, “It’s all right”, I knew it was all right and that I was forgiven. Then he died 3 months later. I cried, cried and cried loud. I am tearing now thinking that he loved me dearly. I remember he always had been there whenever I needed him. I know, he was almighty father as well as loving father to me. 28years later, I want him to know, I miss him and love him and respect him. I am happy to pay tribute to him on this Father’s day!!!!! On June 17, 2012 your 3rd son David Daeil Kim from Tempe AZ, U. S. A. David Jr: I wish I could have gotten to know my grandfather more. I don't really remember much about him. I enjoyed reading your letter to grandfather. Thank you. Dear David! You were 5yrs old like Samuel now when he passed away. He loved you so much that he came to Andong train station to meet grandchildren(it's you & Hannah) whenever we come to home town. He loved to watch his grandkids eating, though he never fed at all!!!! Dad. Hannah: Dad!!I just read this aloud with mom and she is crying.... This also brings tears to my eyes. I don't remember Grandpa, but when I see you I can imagine what kind of great man he was. Whenever I think of you, and mom too, tears come to my eyes. I am so grateful to have parents that love me unconditionally and support me in every way. I miss you so much on father’s day, and every day as well! Just know that you are always in my heart and mind Daddy!!!!!! Love you and miss you! Dear Hannah. Thank you and I am sorry not being a good father. There is no perfect father on this earth, but I am going to try really hard to be a good father/grandfather in the future. I made your mom cry, she has such a soft heart. She was a good daughter in law, too to your grandpa & grandma. She was beloved daughter in law to them. Take care Andrew, James, mom and yourself and see you on July!! Esther: I realized how the love of father toward his children is unconditional and unlimited through your letter to grandfather in law. I truly enjoyed reading. Dear Esther! When I was alone after lunch on Sunday, I just thought how great my father had been to me and how poor father I had been. In his final moment of his life, he even considered my life to be good and wished me well though I was not deserved. Thank you for reading and catching the point. I am going to do my best to be a good father/grandfather in the future and I sincerely ask your support & prayer!!!! My Dad & mom in 1950's. May 23, 2014 Friday. Lucas, our 6th & youngest grandson, 1st year birthday. I remember how much I was unhappy when I heard that Hannah got pregnant of Lucas by accident. I seriously rebuked her for living unplanned life. But he has been a great source of joy ever since he was born, especially on these days while I'm struggling with great trial of my life. I truly bless him and say, "Happy Birthday Dear Lucas!! I love you so much!!" Daughter Hannah & youngest grandson Lucas Park in 2015. May 24, 2014 Saturday. Encouraging letter from Hannah Park. Dad, You are the strongest man I know. You have the ability to fight this cancer and beat it, but you have to remain strong and have faith in God. Since I was a baby, I looked up to you because you went through so many difficulties but it never hindered your strong spirit and will to provide for your family. Because of this, we are who we are today because you overcame all that suffering. I can't imagine how difficult your treatment must be or what you may feel like inside.... But this is beatable. I know that there are no words to say that may be encouraging, and these words may all sound meaningless. But Stay strong and have faith.... Maybe go on a trip with mom and try to accept your diagnosis.... Your diagnosis does not define the great man, husband, best father you are. Don't let this cancer ruin your wonderful life, but don't embrace it either. Just accept it as a part of you and then kill it with your strong will. I love you so much, and am so thankful for all you have done for our family..... having my own children, I realize all the sacrifices you have up for us and I can't express my gratitude for that. I don't even know if I could do that for my kids. I love you so much to the heavens and back. Stay strong and have faith. See you in couple days, buy me delicious dinner okay!??!! May 25, 2014 Sunday. With Jonathan, our 3rd grandson, at Desert Breeze Park. Happy Birthday Jonathan!! You are one of the best gift I ever received....We are proud of you! Jonathan is very sophisticated and artistic. June 1, 2014 Sunday. On Sunday worship service, David Jr. Delivered message based on Mark 6:45-56, "Take courage! It is I" Life is indeed an uphill battle. Once Edward Murphy says, "Smile today because tomorrow will be only worse. Grin and bear it." This is a just his philosophy and I can do it when I can control it. The battle I am fighting is not just wrong, but out of my control just like the disciples of Jesus is struggling in the wild storm. The boat is capsizing and the storm is like a hurricane. It is a time for me to have no hope out of my resources. But Jesus said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." Ruth said that David Jr. told her, "Mom! I think God will save Dad because I see God's care upon him. You know, Dr. Noh who is oncologist specialist of tumor planned to go to Chicago but God sent him to Arizona this year. Dad's diagnosis of cancer and Dr. Noh's coming Arizona is not an accident but the plan of God. Dad is under God's care." Every Sunday Ruth was in tearing whenever we sing hymns and read bible passages. When I reached the point of helplessness and desperation, it seemed Jesus is absent and God has abandoned me. But I clearly heard Jesus voice today, "Don't be afraid, take courage! It is I" David Jr. is right that God sent right people on right time like Dr. Noh who can be accessed anytime for questions. This is not a time of depression, but a time of stepping forward toward God and growing spiritually as a man of giant in faith. Thank and praise God who says, Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid! June 7, 2014 Saturday. Appreciation letter to Sh. Daniel & M. Deborah Cheng who support me greatly with treatment cost. Dear Sh. Daniel & M. Deborah. Sh. David Jr. gave us a check from Tempe UBF account that you offered specifically for my cancer treatment. M. Ruth & I were surprised & did not know what to do because we felt that we are not qualified to receive this offering. However after much prayer we accepted this only by God's grace and his one sided love. We will use this precious offering exclusively for my cancer treatment, medication & medical expenses. Once again we truly appreciate your concern, prayer, love and encouragement. May God bless your family & Tempe ministry!! June 12, 2014 Thursday early morning after Chemo embolization to all coworkers in Tempe. Dear all! Yesterday I underwent chemo embolization successfully. But side effects such as pain and nausea was much more serious than I expected. Dr. administered dilaudid which is 7 times stronger than morphine and admitted as an observation status patient. Overnight I woke up many times but I had not enough strength to send message to update to all of you. It's 4amnow and pain is much better. I assume that Dr. will send me home today around noon. Please don't be bothered to visit me at all & will see some of you at home this pm. I just want to my gratitude to all of your love, prayer, great encouragement, concern & practical support from the deepest bottom of my heart. Sh. Daniel once said, "M. David! You are not alone, we are with you & much more God is with you". That's why I am happy though M. Ruth & I are walking through the shadow of the valley of the death. I bless in the name of The Lord that you all have a great day, wonderful week and all the more the rest of coming days!!!!! June 15, 2014 Sunday. Father’s day to David Jr. & Hannah's families. It was a heartfelt moment to read your card & mostly your deepest expression of love toward me on this year of Father's Day. I cried when Hannah left tons of cash for my treatment & I am crying now when I see a great amount of monetary gift from David Jr. not because your mom & I financially fell from giver to recipient but because we are very proud of our children( David Jr, Esther, Jung Park, & Hannah) who are grown up in maturity of life. Your mom & I strongly feel that we did not live our lives in vain and that's why I am tearing of joy. These days I am meditating James 2:2-4 "Consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Please keep praying for your mom and meto be strong and fight a good fight to see victory in Jesus!! You are always in our thought & prayer!! June 15, 2014 Sunday. Hannah’s letter to me on Father’s day in the Face Book made me cry!! 사랑하는 우리 아빠(Dear Dad)!!! Happy Father’s Day!! I know it was yesterday, but in my heart, I celebrate you as my father EVERYDAY! This is just my semi- public declaration to the world of what a great father you have been to me and 오빠(David Jr.) I have yet to meet a man that can provide for his family so abundantly in the way you have, not just materialistic things, but your moral standards, ethics, our Korean culture and customs and also spiritually. I admire you as my father and in my eyes, no one has come close to filling your shoes. I pray and hope my husband and even 오빠(David Jr) will follow in your footsteps, and will someday will resemble you. I love you so much my heart aches and know that you are in my heart always..... Not just on Father's Day. Love you 아빠(Dad) and stay strong!!!!!!!! June 22, 2014 Sunday. Sh. Mark Moran and coworkers in Berkeley UBF chipped in and sent me the contribution with well wish card for my treatment. I can't express how to thanks for their love and prayer support. What a lucky man I am!! July 6, 2014 Sunday. To M. Timothy & Maria Kang. After visiting brother in law's house in Cypress, California. Dear M. Timothy & Maria Kang. Ruth and I had a great time over last week while we were in California. Especially we have enjoyed the cool weather in there. It's been very stressful under the heat of Arizona while I was getting difficult treatment. I did not realize how great weather in California until now though I visited many times in the past. It's because I felt horrible hot weather in Arizona due to sickness and felt great under the cool weather of California. Most of all, we appreciate your warm hospitality and a quite amount of money for my medical expenses. I know the way I can pay off of your treat is to be strong and endure the suffering by faith and get victory over the power of darkness. Please don't get sick and sickness is not a prank and no fun at all. May both of you find good health in God's grace and his love. God bless your family and your Saturday bible study!! July 9, 2014 Wednesday. Update to Dr. Abraham Kim, general director of UBF regarding CT result after 3 months of chemo and radiation treatment. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil...." Psalm 23:4 Dear Dr. Abraham Kim & all coworkers. This morning M. Ruth & I woke up a few hours earlier than usual and was not able to back to sleep due to anxiety because I am scheduled to do CT scan and see Dr. Wong about the CT result. Depending on CT result, I may put in liver transplant list if my tumor reduced after radiation & chemo embolization treatment over last three months or I may fail if tumor size is still same or even bigger. Every day, M. Ruth & I talked about journey ahead, we prayed, we wept and we began to comfort each other. A million thoughts were going through our minds. God, however, gave us a great news. Today CT shows a great progress downsizing my one tumor from 4.1 cm to 2.4cm and another from 2.0cm to none qualifying me to be a transplant candidate. Then Dr. scheduled another procedure on next Monday, July 14th, CT alcohol ablation with general anesthesia to remove residual of cancer spot. Dr. Wong says, he is going to do CT every month and treat accordingly until liver transplant done and from now on it is a long waiting game at least one and half or two years. I really don't know uncertain future but M. Ruth & I know we are in the Lord's hand and he has a good plan in my life. When we were on the phone, you read Psalm 23 and prayed for me. Ever since I read Psalm 23 again and again to understand the word of God. I noticed that sheep sometimes were in green pastures, but also other times sheep were in the valley of the shadow of death. But sheep does not fear evil at all. In my life, there was a good time as well as a bad time. In current situation, I am definitely in the dark seasons of life and walking through the valley of the shadow of death. But I know God will be able to help me passing through and guide me to his goodness. Actually God is more real to me through this tough times. I really don't know how to express our appreciation to you and all precious coworkers in UBF around the world for their all kind of help such as medical, financial, and spiritual support. I truly feel that I am unworthy servant but you & all the coworkers treat me & my wife as part of precious family in the love of Jesus. Jesus love through UBF family humbles us and we are overwhelmed by Jesus grace. We are greatly indebted to all in UBF. Thanks a million again and may God bless UBF in abundance!!! In Christ your debtor Ruth & David Kim from Tempe UBF July 19, 2014 Saturday. financial support letter from Dr. Abraham Kim. Dear M. David Kim, May the Lord fill you and M. Ruth with his love and peace every day. I'm glad to inform you that the North America board of elders, at its July 15, 2014 meeting, approved a financial support of $1,000/month for your family for a period of 12 months (July, 2014-June, 2015) to supplement the reduction in your income during your treatment. The support is from medical special fund designated for missionaries who are in need during their difficulty in health. I'd like ask you and M. Ruth to accept this aid freely as an expression of the love and prayers of UBF community. It is very important that you stay strong and we hope that this aid help lessen your financial burden. Please inform HQ treasurer, Shep. Jenny Cook, of your bank information. We will keep praying for your successful liver transplant and full recovery. Abraham Kim July 21, 2014 Monday. Around 9pm, Ruth & I went to Phoenix airport to pick up Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang who want to visit us to have a fellowship in Jesus. We have known Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang since 2001 right after passing the storm of reform movement in UBF started around early 1999 and lasted till early 2001. Since my home chapter director(Daegu UBF) was leading the movement, I didn't know what to do if I have to follow my home chapter or remain UBF. After much prayer, Ruth & I made a firm decision not to follow the reform organization, so called CMI(campus mission international) and stay in UBF though I have to break all relationship with almost everyone from & in Daegu CMI church. It was a painful and heartbreak experience. Meanwhile I lost my mother on October 1999. Ruth & I went to Korea to attend funeral service in Andong city. But no one from my church except my personal shepherd wife came to my mother's funeral service to visit and pay respect, not mention any contribution offer. My brothers & sister said, "where is your church friend that you devoted whole your life?" In Korean custom many friends and relatives come to funeral service and help each other. I was speechless and I told them that they must be very busy. Right after burial of my mother, Ruth's mother, my mother in law, who had lived with us for 10 years in America passed away with pneumonia on July 2000 and Sh. Daniel & my family alone had to take care mother's home coming ceremony officiated by local Korean church pastor. Luckily ceremonial expenses were covered by funeral insurance that we bought some years ago for her. Thank God. But this time also no one came or send even one bouquet of flowers from CMI or UBF. Ruth's brother & sister in law was belonged to LA UBF but they followed to CMI at that time. I figured out that both party, UBF thinks we will move out of UBF to follow their home chapter CMI, & CMI thinks, we are not making commitment to come to them but will remain UBF. Of course, I stated many times, Tempe family & I will stay in UBF. Anyways, I was embarrassed to my brothers & sister and very disappointed and even angered toward friends & coworkers in our church, both CMI and UBF. How could this happen? When we lost both mothers, no one from my church where Ruth & I sacrificed everything, time, money and our whole life since 20's? I was lonely and felt like total lost on the tiny boat in the middle of an ocean without compass. In 2001, my son, David Jr. was a sophomore & Hannah was a freshman in college. It was a kind of our church tradition that missionaries on abroad send their young college children to home Church in Korea during summer vacation time to experience home chapter in Korea learning biblical life of shepherds & shepherdess as well as Korean cultures as 2nd generation missionaries. But I had nowhere to send them because I lost my home chapter. On February 2001, I attended 2001 UBF North America staff conference and talked to Dr. Mark Yoon about the issue of faith training in Korea, he introduced Dr. Mark Yang, then the director of Anam UBF. Dr. Mark Yang called to me and said, your children are more than welcome to come his church and we will take care of them. After reform movement in UBF, I thought that I am alone though I belong to UBF, Dr. Mark Yang's offer to accept us as his church new family, I was greatly relieved and thank God who has been keeping eyes on us. When David Jr. and Hannah was in Korea, they were treated like VIP 2nd generation missionaries and they expressed how well they've been treated. Hannah still is saying, Sh. Anna Yang loves her most out of everyone she knows. Ever since Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang take care of us as spiritual parents. Not only when we visited Korea, they visited our house church very often to teach us Bible and loving fellowship in Jesus since they come to Chicago UBF as missionaries at age of 60. This time they brought bundles of monetary contribution for my cancer treatment including Mother Sarah Barry, M Grace Lee, M. Teresa Ahn's and other coworkers offering as well as other nutritional stuffs like red ginseng which is very expensive. Ruth finally broke out tears though she tried not to and so did I. Ruth & I truly felt the love of God through Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang's love upon insignificant and unworthy people like us. Thank you, Dr. Mark & Anna Yang and Thank God!!! July 23, 2014 Wednesday. Ruth & I just back home from Phoenix airport after parting Dr. Mark & Anna Yang who visited our humble house for 3 days and taught us bible to all Tempe coworkers. Their visit was exclusively to comfort & encourage our couple to fight against cancer by faith of resurrection. Dr. Mark Yang led Bible study based on 1 Peter chapter 1& 2 especially focusing on chapter 1:3-4,"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you." He spent 4 hours 1st day study emphasizing a "living hope" in heaven. During bible study, the word "relationship" awakened my spirit. Dr. Mark Yang said, our relationship with God as a father & son gives us right to succeed his inheritance, a living hope of heavenly kingdom. Yes! I can inherit God's kingdom by making relationship, not by merit through work. Through Jesus Christ, I now have an access to God as a son and the kingdom of God is my future inheritance and that is my living hope which never perish or spoil. When I accepted a living hope in Jesus, the power of death came to me as a shadow and eternal life in the kingdom of God approached to me as a reality. It was effective immediately. I experienced my sorrow turned around to joy & peace. Most of all a living hope gave me a great confidence to overcome the power of death. The bible study was not only benefit to me, but also to all our Tempe UBF family. We truly appreciate Dr. Mark Yang's sacrificial time to visit Arizona and his eagerness to share his spiritual insight & teaching. Letter to Dr. Mark Yang visited from July 21to 23, 2014 Wednesday. Dear Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang. Thank you for visiting our humble house & we certainly had a great time of fellowship in Jesus. Your visit was a great compliment to everyone in Tempe family through bible study as well. You taught us to have a living hope based on 1 Peter which is not just a wishfulness but an active & dynamic confidence that does not end with this life but continues throughout eternity & this hope only can drive out the power of death. M. Ruth & I were deeply moved & touched by the word of God, especially a living hope during this time of trial. Besides, you brought much contribution on top of Chicago UBF financial support. We don't know how to express our appreciation to all. As I said, we didn't expect this storm in our life but we never expected this umbrella of great love & grace in Jesus from UBF community. On the way home from airport, M. Ruth & I couldn't stop crying because the depth & width of God's love upon unworthy like us. Please say our best regard to everyone especially Mother Barry & M Grace Lee in Chicago & God bless UBF!! August 3, 2014 Sunday. Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care.... 1 peter 5:2 Tempe UBF 2014 Summer Bible conference at the beautiful cabin in Flagstaff Arizona. Our summer conference theme is "Jesus is the good shepherd," Jesus is the good shepherd who laid down his life for us. Someone says, being a shepherd is a losing business. In fact, a life of shepherd is not easy but very costly. However when Jesus comes again we will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away! August 7, 2014 Thursday. Update letter to Dr. Mark Yang after official decision to put me in the liver transplant list at BUMC. Dear Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang May God's grace be with your time of pilgrim trip. By God's grace I was able to finish 3 day evaluation & attend Summer conference from beginning to the end & even deliver a special message at the conference. Yesterday I got a good news that Liver transplant team at Banner University Medical Center officially put me on transplant list. It's amazing work of God who enabled me to put on transplant list though I was not qualified candidate due to big size of tumor in my liver. From now on, I might have to wait 1 or 2 years to get transplant and it's just waiting game & all in God's hand. I may get another chemo, radiation or other procedure time to time depending on my cancer growth while I am waiting. M. Ruth & I are exciting to see how God is going to lead us in this journey. It's unpredictable & uncertain, but we know God will lead us to his best way. You know we especially thank you for your support in this difficult time of trial. We know you are busy & don't be bothered to reply this mail. We just want to update our thanks & prayer topics. God bless European conference & all attendants!! August 28, 2014 Thursday. Wrote to Dr. Mark Yang after CT shows no cancer spot. Dear Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang. Greetings in Jesus' grace & love. We remember you are going to arrive at Chicago today. We are sure you had a safe & wonderful trip with good health. We just want to let you know that recent CT scan does not show any cancer spot. It means 2.4cm residual of cancer disappeared after alcohol ablation. Dr. is going to check every 3 months & treat accordingly. Someone says, "The meaning of life is planting trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit." Well, We spent almost 40 years in UBF planting trees as shepherds & missionaries. I also spent 15 years at Banner Medical Center planting trees as an RN. Now M. Ruth & I are sitting in the shades of those trees as we depend on them to spiritual & medical care for us. We have the best shepherds like you & numerous prayer worriers in the world & best Dr.s & nurses at Banner medical center as well as Dr. Noh & Dr. Joseph Ahn who are like my personal Dr. There is great solace in that & we are also trying to have faith of resurrection & therein lies our greatest joy & peace of God. Just for your information, we are going to visit Korea from October 2nd through 25th. All my brothers & some friends want to visit us from Korea & we stopped them because it's easier for us to visit & see them. All my Dr.s approved the trip. Meanwhile Sh. Moses Kim & Dr. Luke Lee gave me an opportunity to deliver Sunday message on October 12th & 19th. It's a great privilege & honor for me. Please pray for me to prepare Korean message by faith & glorify God's name only. Thank you & we are abundantly grateful for all of your support & prayer!! September 5, 2014 Friday. David Jr. & Esther prepared dinner for our 35th wedding anniversary. As we look at the dinner table, we cannot but see their sincere attitude & loving heart toward us. We want to express our special gratitude to them as well as Hannah who flew from Oklahoma and provided fitness card for us! Thanks a million!! September 28, 2014 Sunday. Asking Dr. Mark Yang to review my Korean message. Dear Dr. Mark & M. Anna Yang. Greetings in Jesus, our Lord. Hope you are fully recovered from the illness. We've been holding you in our prayers & thoughts. Our travel to Korea is rapidly approaching (October 2-25) & we are very exciting to see family, relatives, close friends & especially Anam coworkers. As you know, I am greatly privileged & honored to deliver Sunday message on October 12th at Anam 1 & October 19th at Anam 2. I am enclosing my Korean message 1st draft. Please see attached & give me an advice & I will review accordingly. Thanks for all your prayers & support! May you keep good health under the protectio |
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